Will someone care?
by xwinter.phoukax
Summary: "A goodbye that lingers on our lips because neither of us wants to be away from the other." And then that moment ended. Love has always been a fickle thing for the personification of Prussia. It becomes a poison with the aid of his age long rival turned lover, Roderich. Rated M for later chapters and my own paranoia. Yaoi. Don't like it, don't read it.


Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. It belongs to Hidekaz Himayura.  
Author's note: Let's take a trip, you and I. We'll walk this long road through my Muse's garden and pray that maybe, just maybe, we'll still be emotionally whole in the end. If you haven't heard of VandettA Cosplay, you need to go check out their video for Whiskey Lullaby. It's the inspiration for the beginning. Let's go, shall we? *offers hand*  
Update: This is a restart. I didn't feel as though there was enough to the beginning. I'm halfway through the next chapter and I plan to post it tonight if I can.

Soundtrack: Whiskey Lullaby, River Flows Into You cover by Lindsey Sterling, Down by Jason Walker, Here's To Us by Halestorm

* * *

Then: Austria

_I once knew a girl  
In the years of my youth  
With eyes like the summer  
All beauty and truth  
_  
For all that the Prussian annoys me, I can't help my feelings for him. Letters, dried roses and his favorite shirt lay spread out on my piano. A sweet melody drifted from the bottom of my heart. Berlin was so far away… life as a nation was rarely kind. It was as if the world expected us to ignore the love in our hearts.

I stared at my left hand as I played. The gold band on my ring finger tied me to someone else… and I lamented each moment I was away from the one my heart truly belonged to. The music changed through a bridge into a more somber tune. Gilbert's face danced in my memory, chased by the thoughts of Elizabeta. How was I going to tell him? Our bosses had insisted on a private marriage, so I doubted that he even knew. I understood what this would mean for us and with that knowledge came self-loathing. To hurt him is to kill my own heart.

Without a pause to the melody, I looked up at the box of unsent letters I'd written to him. Hot tears fells down my face. Could I bear to hurt him this way?

For my country…

With a heavy heart, I ended the song and packed away the mementos of summer love. I hid the box in the attic. There was no way I could forgive myself if I threw these things away. After I had put the box in a safe spot, I retreated to my music room and retrieved my violin. The lilting melody that flowed from it both put me at ease and tore my soul asunder.

By the time that Elizabeta returned home, there was a smile on my face. It wasn't real, but it had been so rehearsed, she didn't notice.

Then: World View

Elizabeta realized the change in Roderich before the Austrian had a chance to sit down. Dinner was typically a quiet event, but tonight was more than just silent. An air hung about her husband that was rarely seen outside of war; the agony that lingered in his gaze struck her as troubling._  
In the morning I fled  
Left a note and it read  
Someday you will be loved._

The next day, Roderich stood frozen at the mailbox after Elizabeta had left with a letter in his hand. The only sign of his internal struggle was the occasional, faint shiver that racked his frail frame until the mailman came. The boy couldn't have been older than sixteen.

"Good morning, sir," the boy said politely.

Roderich nodded in acknowledgement and handed him the letter, "Make sure this arrives in Berlin with all haste."

With that, the Austrian retreated to his music room. The resulting melody from his piano would have melted a heart of stone.

Elizabeta spent days trying to get him to speak to no avail. She had no idea what had caused her husband to become so despondent. After the third day of not leaving the music room, even for sleep, the Austrian passed out upon the ivory keys with tears glistening on his pale face. Elizabeta carried him to their room; she was disturbed by how light he had become. Fear that he might fade away kept her by his side.

_Now: Gilbert, about a week later_

Roddy's unawesome letter was clenched in my fist as I pounded on his front door. I didn't give a damn that he'd said he never wanted to see my 'unnatural' face again. I couldn't let this go… he meant too much to me for it to end this way. Rage made standing still all but impossible while Roddy took his time coming to the door. The moment the white obstruction was clear and I recognized him, I glared daggers.

"Vhat is zhe meaning of this!?" I yelled, throwing the letter at him.

"You can't be here, Gilbert! Leave," the Austrian shouted back.

My red eyes flared angrily. This wasn't like him. I paused to take a closer look at Roddy; he was paler and thinner than the last time I'd seen him. Worry barely dampened my rage as I moved closer, "Only if you tell me our love meant nothing… that it was nothing."

It was an underhanded, desperate attempt, I knew, but I was at my wits' end.

_Now: World view_

_Don't make me do this…_

Roderich felt his heart breaking, yet his face didn't betray his emotions. Drawing his hand back, he slapped Gilbert with all the force he could muster. The ring left a noticeable indent.__

…I'm sorry.

Gilbert kept his gaze on the ground. His cheek had turned a deep crimson from the blow. Hardening his heart, he swallowed the blood and bitter words. _...I should have known._

"I get it, Specks," he muttered and turned to leave, "I guess we always knew, didn't we? It was fun while it lasted. Goodbye."

That the Austrian didn't see were the tears streaming down Gilbert's face. Likewise, the Prussian didn't notice when his former lover collapsed on the ground, sobbing for what he had done.

Gilbert ignored the car that was waiting for him and ran for the train station across town. He was blind to his surroundings, focusing only on getting away. He found himself on the first train leaving for Paris.

* * *

Afterward: I'm going to _try_ to update every week or two. Until things are a little more certain with my living situation, I can't say much. Hope you guys don't hate me too much for this one… Review?


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